God answers sincere prayers

Today I'll post another old journal entry from my anorexic days. Though I wrote this not so very long ago, I am surprised by the difference in my mindset now compared to back then. Anorexics focus on the external; I tried to conform my body to some abstract ideal of beauty and discipline...and I judged people's inner characteristics by outward appearances. 

Confessing this now is a bit embarrassing...but growing up is awkward.

* * *

Lord, I don't mean to wear out Your patience...but You have given me instruction to cast my cares upon You.

Though I know everyone is unique, I can't help but notice there's always someone thinner and prettier...even though I also know that equating beauty with thinness is a fallacy.

Maintaining an underweight body is painful, difficult, unhealthy, and even dangerous.

One who eats isn't less spiritual than one who fasts, particularly one who fasts legalistically.

The virtue of contentment is to be at peace with one's lot in life, and thankful rather than always anxiously striving for "more." May I have that virtue, which is so rare in the postmodern age. God, I understand all of this intellectually....May this truth sink deep in my heart, and blossom in my life.

* * *

In retrospect, God answered that prayer.

Keeping an eternal perspective

So many mechanisms constantly interact within the body...such as blood sugar fluctuations and the binding of iron to red blood cells, the brain's interpretation of visual information and the rebuilding of muscle. The body is such a mysterious system, fearfully and wonderfully made. Now I see that clearly, and so I must respect and care for this wonderful creation.

Though I know God is near, and I hear His voice and see Him working...at times I still feel somewhat distant from Him. Why? Maybe like Sean mentioned, I ought to stop following current events so closely and pay more attention to the immediate present.

Also, I feel a bit depressed and lonely, especially with the lockdown and "social distancing" nonsense. Though I long for friends, they're difficult to come by....Friendship seems like a distant memory, since I've been alone for such a long time. Spiritually, I feel that "social distancing" began in people's hearts long before the 2020 mandate. Chatting around a campfire or dinner table with friends seems like a quaint relic from the past....Everyone is so busy with school, working, social media, and generally running from here to there.

For a long time I've felt closer to Heaven than this world, and I long to be there with God and my little brother. Yet I know the time isn't right...not yet. In any case, as I travel through life in this world, I will constantly be looking toward eternity.

History is repeating itself

Anxiety rules my mind at the moment...so I must pray. Will You hear and answer this convoluted prayer? Have mercy, Lord.

Hunger makes some people "hangry," but I become anxious and sad.

The Holocaust happened a relatively short time ago in history, yet society is repeating itself. The government is stripping our rights away little by little, one by one...forcing small businesses to close, requiring papers for permission to go about our daily lives, and now there's talk of unvaccinated children having to wear yellow arm bands. Does any of that sound familiar?

 

The Nazis targeted Jews and other minority groups...but in the Covidiocracy, anyone who thinks critically is a target.

All of these reminders of the Holocaust have led me to contemplate my Jewish ancestry from a biblical perspective. Ironically, being Jewish didn't matter much to me before I became a Christian. Yet the matter seems to be important to God, since the Bible constantly references God's covenant with the Jewish people. Though Jews aren't more important than Gentiles to God, they have a unique spiritual purpose to fulfill.

The Holocaust happened almost fifty years before I was born, yet as a Jew and as a human being, I still lament. Starvation is perhaps the most defining feature of Hitler's torture techniques....When we think of the Holocaust, we think of the emaciated prisoners.

Images of Holocaust victims bring to mind ascetic yogis...but what is the difference between starvation as torture and as a spiritual practice?

When I was anorexic, I would fast as a form of punishment...such as when I sinned and felt disappointed in myself. Yet a spiritual fast is never supposed to be a punishment. According to the Bible, fasting is about breaking free from the chains of bondage...quite the opposite of treating oneself like a tortured prisoner.

Therefore, I believe the best way to respond to the Holocaust, particularly as a Jewish person myself, is not to practice excessive fasting, but to be free...to live an abundant, delightfully human life.

The Holocaust weighs heavily upon me now, and is too much...especially knowing that the world may soon experience another one that is even worse. Therefore, God, I pray that You would take this burden that I am not strong enough to carry, and was never meant to carry. After all, I am just a young woman...and even grown men cannot bear staring straight at the horrors of the Holocaust.

The evil of the world is too much...yet God is good, and He has never led me astray. Lately I feel lonely, though, far from God. The stress is intense, and I sense demonic oppression. Thinking about the Holocaust, I suppose, directs the mind toward the demonic domain.

We are all just people, with a flawed and sinful nature. Yet God makes sinners...saints. The spiritual journey is individualized; our experiences and sufferings are unique. A saint is a temple of the Holy Spirit, not to be mistreated through excessive asceticism; I must live the life I have been given.

May the truth prevail

Now that I eat sufficiently, shine has returned to my hair. Along with my hair, I see improvement in my skin. Rather than sallow and dry, my skin is now fresh and glowing.

Apparently, the source of the guillotine rumor is Pam Schuffert. Other blogs have described her as a Satanist pretending to be a Christian. Her father was a cartoonist for the military, and she allegedly has multiple personality disorder from mind control torture techniques...a common problem in Satanic families. She has been caught lying about other topics, so should we trust she's telling the truth about this?

Not that I'd be surprised if that's what the ruling powers have in store for us. In the Tribulation there will indeed be martyrs. Yet that may happen specifically in Judea after the rise of the Antichrist. By then this place -- Mystery Babylon -- may not even exist as a nation anymore.

There was a rumor awhile ago that Walmarts were closing to be converted to death camps. Many stores closed abruptly, supposedly for plumbing repairs....Some have been remodeled and are open again. One abandoned Walmart was being used as an immigrant detention center for children, so there was some truth to the rumor.

Thankfully, there are still some critical thinkers who question official narratives. Thanks to those who proved the school shootings were hoaxes, we still have our Second Amendment rights. May all of these evil schemes backfire.

God, every time a member of the Satanic cabal starts a fire in California (as they've been doing almost daily this summer), I pray that the truth spreads like wildfire to wake people up from their media induced slumber. Please convert 5G towers to announce the covert plans of the wicked rather than sending out harmful radiation and demonic signals. Grant people around the world wisdom and discernment to see straight through all the lies.

God, please rekindle the American spirit of liberty. Rain justice upon the head of every wicked Satanic criminal. Thank You that more and more people wake up to reality after every media deception. May they stay awake.

Please stop the censorship as well, God. May every lie invented by the forces of evil backfire spectacularly. Continue leading, guiding, and helping your people in Jesus's name.