Today I'll post another old journal entry from my anorexic days. Though I wrote this not so very long ago, I am surprised by the difference in my mindset now compared to back then. Anorexics focus on the external; I tried to conform my body to some abstract ideal of beauty and discipline...and I judged people's inner characteristics by outward appearances.
Confessing this now is a bit embarrassing...but growing up is awkward.
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Lord, I don't mean to wear out Your patience...but You have given me instruction to cast my cares upon You.
Though I know everyone is unique, I can't help but notice there's always someone thinner and prettier...even though I also know that equating beauty with thinness is a fallacy.
Maintaining an underweight body is painful, difficult, unhealthy, and even dangerous.
One who eats isn't less spiritual than one who fasts, particularly one who fasts legalistically.
The virtue of contentment is to be at peace with one's lot in life, and thankful rather than always anxiously striving for "more." May I have that virtue, which is so rare in the postmodern age. God, I understand all of this intellectually....May this truth sink deep in my heart, and blossom in my life.
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In retrospect, God answered that prayer.
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