The true nature of anorexia

Honestly, anorexia is a sin, and I knew better.

After I lost weight unintentionally due to grief, I then tried with all of my strength and willpower to stay at that low weight, because...finally, I had become thin, and I always wanted to be thin.

An eating disorder developed...perhaps partially as a coping method, but mostly because I coveted a slender body.

For a woman, low weight is a status symbol...because most women, including myself, aren't naturally thin -- though everyone wants to be because the models and actresses are -- so I equated slenderness with discipline and holiness.

In other words, I wanted a skinny body so much that I harmed my health by sticking to a restricted diet for a long time to control my BMI. The problem is I always felt hungry, never satisfied, never enough. Life revolved around food because I didn't eat enough.

Now I suppose I have to eat more and gain weight and be healthy...and be who I am, not who I wish I could be.