After all that painful striving for the "perfect" weight and measurements, my body quickly reverted to the same set point as before this mess started. The eating disorder is gone, and maintaining "perfect" weight and measurements doesn't seem important anymore. At a new level, I see that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
That doesn't mean I fit society's arbitrary standard of fashion and "beauty." There is beauty in variety. Mankind tries to make the world symmetrical, cut and dry...removing identity by making everyone identical.
In just a month, my body grew back. Essentially I went through another puberty, and I have a new body....The muscles are still a bit weak, like a newborn faun's.
This body, though similar to the pre-anorexic one, is also a bit different. Like visiting an old friend I haven't seen in over a year, there are familiar characteristics I recognize, yet there are also changes. The weight is distributed differently, and my mind is different as well; innocence is returning in place of the cold, strict disciplinarian...though my will is stronger than ever. A person must have quite a strong will to purposely starve for more than a year, I suppose...though at least I have enough sense to know when I've gone too far.
An experience like this changes a person. The shadow of that year of starvation is within my features now. There must be some purpose for this trial.
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